April 13, 2004 - 8:52 a.m.

My sister is the funniest person I know and my mother is the wackiest freak! You have to understand the sarcastic sense of humor my family has. They can cut you to the bone before you even realize they are holding a knife. I feel like a special ed student around them.

Back-story:

My mother had let The Boy use my old antique dresser. I didn�t think I would have room for it in the new apartment so I was going to try to get it back to her somehow. Now, she didn�t want it because of sentimental reasons. Nooo� she wanted it back so she could SELL it.

Anyway, I removed the mirror that didn�t actually go with it (Antiques Roadshow fans will know it was a marriage) placed it next to the entertainment center and put my very old Nintendo and games in it.

Ms. Popular spent Saturday night with her friend from the town where my parents live. On Easter Sunday the friend�s mother dropped off Ms. Popular at my parents.

When Elmira and I arrive, there sits my mother, my sister and the friends mother. My mother starts in with �Where is the dresser? You didn�t let ex or The Boy have it did you?� �Uh, no Mom. I have my old Nintendo and games in there.� �Good,� she says, �I don�t want the dresser but I don�t want that son of a bitch to have it.� Just sweetness and light my mother is.

My sister just looks at her and says �You know Mom, when you die we�re going to give ex all your stuff.� Mom is stunned speechless for a second, then we all laugh. So of course I throw my two cents in. �Hey ex, want a car? Oooh, how about a nice 4 bedroom house?� Good times, good times.

Look at this sorry storytelling I do. No wonder I almost didn�t graduate high school. I can�t write a coherent story if you held a gun to my head.

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